Asperger Syndrome Livejournal Community

I've been seeing people, mostly the same people, almost every weekend for at least the past month. Do you ever get that feeling of being overwhelmed with people? I wonder if there's a word to describe this? I always think of it as "the opposite of loneliness".

You know how if you've been alone for a long time, you feel really terrible and have this longing to go out and meet somebody, and spend time with people to feel good? At least, I assume that's what it's like, from watching other people. I think I used to get lonely as a teenager, but as a small child and as an adult, I don't think I've ever been truly lonely. I enjoy being alone. So what I get is the opposite of that loneliness. If I've been around people for a long time (usually the same people), I feel awful and like I'm losing my mind, so I have a strong urge to get away from everyone and do something on my own to feel good.

And it's not just for a moment. I don't just need an hour of quiet time. I need at least a few weeks--a month is better. Several months, if I've been dragged to a ton of social outings. Although usually I'm not "dragged" anywhere unless it's family.

I wish I knew a better way to describe this to others. Every time I envision telling these things to someone, I hear them in my mind talking about it like it's "a problem" when it's not a problem, it's just how I am. Or I'll hear them tell me I'm selfish for wanting to do what I want to do, when it's not just about wanting to do anything, it's about being The Opposite of Lonely, it's about CRAVING rather than "wanting".

Most people seem to like viewing aloofness and solitude as some kind of problem with people, some kind of antisocial disorder. But it's not something that can be worked through, cured, or fixed. It wasn't caused by some trauma. It's just how I am. People (mostly family members and strangers) are really boring and annoying, and being on my own is entertaining. If I'm with friends, at least we have interests in common, but I've even had to take breaks from friends after I got sick of seeing them too often.

I'm comfortable being this way; the only hard part is trying to make others understand that there isn't anything "wrong". I've literally never met a single person who understood. What are your thoughts?

Hi,
I'm going to my first IACC meeting in about 2 months and am looking for your thoughts in order to represent all of you fairly. I don't have the itinerary yet but am wondering, in general, what each of you thinks:
1. What direction autism research should go?
2. I should say to cure-bies like Geraldine Dawson?
3. Is a fair position on non-verbal autistics?

Thanks for everyone who gives me input.

-Noah

Briefly, 11 years ago, I was just finding out about autism/aspergers and was awaiting diagnosis. (I am now 50+). Myself and partner were living in Norwich, we still live in Norfolk. We found the local Asperger Norfolk group, it seems still to be run by and for those living in Norwich, unless you have your own transport as there is still no help to get there and back for activities which still all seem to be run in the evenings. We went a few times to the evening meetings when we were still in Norwich.

The staff running it seemed friendly but there was no practical help with anything such as social skills and there was once a sort of “workshop” involving an actor who did some sort of role-play which I didn’t understand about interaction or something. I’d prefer a structured exercise with written info as well as examples. I have no idea if anybody else found it helpful, either then or now, 11 years later, because:

• Your social skills and confidence have to be very good to start with, because you’re briefly introduced to everyone in the room (who seems to know each other) and then left to get on with it. It also seemed to be for people who lived in or around Norwich only so when we left Norwich that was it.

• I also have tremendous problems with fluorescent lights and they had loads of them in that room which were absolutely huge and hung down quite low over head. I kept blinking and having to keep my eyes shut which basically took out any form of eye contact which is meant to be a form of / part of socialising. There are no windows in the room and it was quite airless.

• The only possibility of talking to the other people was after the group ended and a bunch of them go to the pub. I can’t cope with pubs either so that was out of the question as well.

Long story, we had to move out of Norwich quite soon after and couldn’t attend any groups or activities because they all seemed to be held in the evening when buses don’t go there. Also, their newsletter was unreliable and unpredictable, so you were expected to keep up with activities and the frequent changes of dates / events via a computer which we couldn’t afford then or now.

There was no help with using a computer at the library and there still isn’t now. The only reason I can contact other aspergers via forums is because a local woman who has nothing to do with the asperger or autism service answered an ad which I put up about 3 years ago.

I tried many times to put a contact ad in their local newsletter, but had no success or nobody replied. So far as I know, none of the ads actually went in for various reasons. I was also told that I could not put a request for contact on their website or anywhere on their premises and there are no local groups / forums apart from these ones as far as I can find, certainly no asperger / autistic run ones.

The only reason I was able to go to any meetings were because the autism service, who are much more helpful, the woman actually drove us to and from meetings, but the autism service is basically run by and for autistic children and their parents and relatives, so not relevant to my age group. She also drove us to a meeting last year of the “Asperger Adult Service” which apparently has been set up recently. It had a lot of the people which I remembered from the Asperger Service 10 years before.

It was held in the same airless cramped room with the fluorescents overhead. You got introduced to everybody by a bloke who has aspergers but that’s the only change and you still have to get on with it and the only other change is that my light sensitivity seems to be worse and I had to wear my wrap-around sunglasses and a hat with a brim for the whole time in that room which eliminated any possible eye contact and I ended up constructing these shapes out of magnetic toys in the room just to stop myself getting agitated. There’s a social skills workshop held this May 26th but it is in that same room again, at least it is during daylight hours so I can run out and breathe if I choose to go.

Are there any other people around who have experienced any of these similar problems with their local groups? How do you make contact with other aspergers locally, apart from obviously using Asperger United contacts page? Maybe nobody else in Norwich is light-sensitive or minds cramped airless rooms and perhaps they have all got great social skills, or at least got their own transport, but supposing somebody else came along who had at least some of my issues and was over children’s age, or at least somebody who doesn’t have access and / or considerable help with the computer.

Any ideas from anybody?

Ephemerol9

Is there such a thing available as an "Aspie guide to proper behaviour in a restaurant"?

One of the people in my Asperger group wants to come to a meeting but he has never eaten in a sit-down restaurant before and wants me to give him advice on proper restaurant behaviour. I'm afraid that if I try to explain it to him on my own, I'll miss something. I can only assume his parents never taught him. So I'm hoping to find some sort of general guidelines online that are written, preferably, in Aspie-accessible language.

Hi all,
Thought those locally might be interested.  Please note, there is a $20 registration fee.

I looked through a bunch of recent entries and didn't see anything on this, so if it has been discussed, it was really old.

I was wondering if anyone else has issues with anaesthesia being a very confusing and disorienting experience for them. I'm referring to general and twilight anaesthesia, where you're unconscious/unaware for a while.

I've had it a couple times and I just don't like it. For my wisdom teeth, I think it was twilight. One second I was lying there with my mouth full of gauze and tools and things, and lights and trays over me, and an IV in my arm.... and the next there was nothing in my mouth and all the other stuff had disappeared, and I hadn't perceived how any of it had happened. And that genuinely bothered me. 

For a minor surgery, I had GA, and I went from being prepped all strapped out on the surgery table one second, to on a different bed, half sitting up, in a completely different room (the recovery room), the next. I was so confused that time it actually took me several minutes to remember I'd just had surgery and I must be in the recovery room. And I couldn't ask questions because my throat was too dry to talk and they wouldn't give me water. But nobody came to talk to me about anything either. That was the worst part. They just left me sitting there for like an hour.

I have talked to neurotypicals, and they've always described the experience as "weird", but never as actually confusing. They seemed to "get" what was going on. I don't know if it is because of the medicines I take, or maybe a spectrum thing, so I thought I'd ask - those of you who've had anaesthesia before, what was your experience with it?

Anyway, this has been on my mind recently because I may need another minor surgery soon. And the thought of coming out of anaesthesia all confused freaks me out a little. Is there something I can say to the doctor that they can do different? Like, can I have a nurse there when I wake up, just to say something like "you are in recovery now, and your surgery went (fine/not fine)", to sort of minimize the confusing aftereffects?

Hi,
Last night I realized that the reason eye contact is naturally painful for most of us is that we cannot handle being reminded of our physical existence outside of our heads. This also explains why we react similarly when called our given names or forced to think about our bodily movements. I know this relates to the internal focus that underlies most of our differences, but does anyone have a good reason we hate thinking of ourselves as humans?
I don't like accepting the fact that I'm more than just an objective perspective who observes everything from the outside, but why does this bother me so much? I'm sure many of you will feel the same way, but does anyone have any insight on where this comes from?

I've been a bit grumpy lately...for social reasons. It seems people run their lives by their reputations and groupthink BS. They would much rather read fiction than say learn something technical for example if they need geek points at all to fit in. They tend to have fan followings and like to gossip and joke a lot with others. I don't quite get all the interpersonal jokes. I can get impersonal jokes but not personal/interpersonal ones. It seems really dangerous to me. I never pull it off like others do. I sometimes really think its not like I have a social disorder, I simply don't learn how cause it can't keep my interest enough for me to want to remember it all. I think if I tried really hard, I might be able to. I might seem selfish for not wanting to but I just don't.

In any case, I sometimes think it's not quite so much true that I have a social disability or am anti-social, it's more like I'm immune to some really pathological disorder of the masses. I don't want to sound arrogant but that's really what it seems like. I'm not implying greater or lesser intelligence or points on any scale. I'm just saying, I don't feel affected by this "keeping up with the joneses sickness" or "Common Groupthink Bullshit Syndrome". I know I'm not the first to think of it. I can remember reading other stuff like this. So really, my horrible horrible disease...you know what it is? It's Common Groupthink Bullshit Syndrome Immunity. I have other rare immunities. (CCR5 for example which is really fortunate given that I'm in that risk group too). I realize some people who are in the minority tend to resent this about me, that I am immune/so lucky or not affirming them...but it's not my fault. I have a mixed bag of minority and majority cards. Yes, I'm white and male but I'm also gay with CGBSI and CCR5. Some minority cards make one a bit of a special snowflake I know....but don't worry, I'm still carrying all those (mostly useless) majority cards. Maybe the lucky happy person in todays society or happy go lucky one is the socialite who has all the right (usually majority) cards even if diseased. I think I'm not the only one with "pride". The masses to this day are very proud of their disease, this CGBS.

Hi there, any Bay Area auties on this comm?

I am hosting a protest against the Autism Speaks fundraising walk being held in San Jose on May 19th. Many people support Autism Speaks because they are unaware of the problems with the organization - let's get the word out! We will hold signs, distrubute literature, and stim in public to let the Bay Area know that Autism Speaks doesn't speak for us.

If you can make it, please click here to RSVP on the protest facebook page.

Let me know if you have any questions or anything. I'm trying to get a big turnout to really make it clear that the autistic community doesn't support Autism Speaks.

I moved to a new apartment complex, and all my neighbors seem to want to talk to me, but I'm uncomfortable with it. The most I've said to them are things like "Hi" when someone says hi, or "Okay" or "Yeah" as a response. I get really uncomfortable and just want to be left alone.

I don't feel I should have to explain Asperger's to everyone I encounter, but people keep giving me looks and keep trying to talk to me, so I eventually just get too anxious and stay in my apartment.

A possible last resort, if I am forced onto Workfare (if this isn't the best place to post this, please move it too the relevant forum or notify me if I have to move it).

Do not advise me on any alleged ‘help for disabled/autistic/mental health’ people into work or in the workplace...I have tried it all and it is irrelevant and useless to me in particular.
Does anyone who is autistic/asperger have any knowledge, preferably personal experience, of any legally available chemical/pill (or preferably some kind of hypnotherapy or training or some way of changing your character or at least appearing/projecting a different persona convincingly) which will make a person more alert, process information and move/work faster, also most importantly, react quickly and aggressively (obviously nothing illegal or drastic such as the Evan Harris/Dylan Cleybold response). Assertiveness training I’ve done, but I have no idea if it will work in the work place among lots of people when I am also subject to noise, fluorescent lighting etc, lots of distractions which will push up my anxiety levels. From experience, I must not come over as weak or frightened and easily intimidated, I must react more quickly and strongly.
Please no replies from people worried about drug reactions, I am already on SSRIs and have researched thoroughly any possible effects, short or long-term and there is no way that any reaction I have can be worse than the breakdown I had years ago, but this time I would like to be outwardly hostile if need be and react quickly to a situation, especially involving working and trying to interact with people at the same time.

Ephemerol9

Hey everyone, I'm de-lurking briefly to let you know about a giveaway I'm running at my website. The prize is $10 worth of Aspie Pride/Disability Rights buttons, magnets, keychains, or mirrors. Basically I got a usual case of the April wanting-to-punch-my-tv and decided to channel it into some fun button designs ^_^ You can find details for the giveaway here and my collection of Aspie pride designs here. And if you're part of an Aspie/Autism organization that would like to get buttons wholesale to use for fundraising, let me know. I have special super-cheap wholesale rates for cool nonprofits.

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/25/11389266-dad-wires-up-autistic-son-10-to-expose-bullying-by-teaching-staff?fb_ref=.T5lXNT_olpA.like&fb_source=home_multiline

"A father discovered staff at a school in New Jersey were "bullying" and using offensive language toward his 10-year-old autistic son after he fitted his child with a wire.

Stuart Chaifetz posted extracts of the recording on YouTube on April 20. He said the audio revealed staff members at Horace Mann Elementary School in Cherry Hill calling his son Akian a "bastard" and talking about vomiting that morning due to a hangover."

There's also a youtube video at the link of the dad explaining what happened and the recorded dialogue from the wire with corresponding text.

Less permanent this time:

(sharpie'd onto a piece of paper, which was tucked into the side of the ad-holder)

How do you have loud hands?

Just saw this on my Think Geek email ad: http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/unisex/generic/ed34/?cpg=40636322&msg_id=40636322&et_rid=507954197&linkid=40636322_image_ed34.  The description, in part, reads:

"Everyone's brain is wired in a unique way. It's what makes you YOU. And your mind is our favorite part of you. It's what makes you our smart masses. So here at ThinkGeek HQ, we're all about embracing the differences in neurological configurations. Whether you are an autistic person or a "neurotypical," you have ADHD, are bipolar, whoever you are, whatever unique configuration of neurons makes you you, we think you're pretty awesome, just the way you are (both the Bruno Mars and the Billy Joel versions).
...
In April of 2012, 100% of the proceeds from this shirt are being donated to ASAN, The Autistic Self Advocacy Network, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization run by and for Autistic people."

So glad to see one of my favorite websites really getting it!  But leave it to the nerds to understand neurodiversity. :)

A man wiretapped his son to get evidence of wrongdoing. The results were particularly unpleasant.
( TW for abuse )
Edit: I feel the need to clarify that "TW" stands for Trigger Warning and I meant "public school" in the United States.

after almost literally sleeping for most of the weekend,and therefore not going out,i did go outside today. whee...well,sunday was an excellent day for not just staying inside but also staying in bed,with rain and wind. not that i usually have an excuse other than just being me. today i mailed out a birthday card and mailed a bill. for me,that's accomplishment. i also sat on the sofa and between distractions like sims social on facebook (though i play it antisocially...i can't play my pc sims because my dvd drive isn't working) and tumblr,i tried to figure out a way to motivate myself to move a muscle. any muscle. well,except for my brain. for instance,i wonder if the fact that i've been on either zoloft or prozac to keep myself from jumping off a bridge has anything to do with not feeling focused enough to read,and suddenly being able to comprehend things i HEAR better than i used to. i've had a problem with auditory processing for a long time. i think in pictures. or at least i used to. i just wonder if those anti-depressants have switched my brain around. i used to not be able to focus on listening to things. now i can,but rarely can i read an entire book. or it could be age,or menopause. who the hell knows? i also have a lot of episodes of anhedonia and just lacking energy to do much of anything,except perhaps talk (i'm pretty sluggish but i had lunch with my sisters a couple of weeks ago and they could barely get a word in edgewise. but i don't talk to people much,so it might be that too.)

For those who have blogs, there's a call for a "flash blog event" on April 30 with autism positivity statements. Story here: http://thethirdglance.wordpress.com/2012/04/23/to-i-wish-i-didnt-have-aspergers-an-autismpositivity2012-flash-blog-event/

I just wanted to thank everyone who commented on my post about friendship. I have no energy to reply to every comment individually, right now. Sorry.

Feeling so apathetic and hopeless like today, it's hard to even imagine I could really have any friends and communicate with them regularly. To care about ANYTHING seems to be such a huge task. And I really considered creating a relationship with someone? All I can see now is that I almost implied another duty on myself. A duty I don't have to worry about, if I let it be. A duty I can't cope with now. The life alone is overwhelming enough. Why to take on more?

(I know, it's probably just my bad mood that will pass. But how can I ask anyone to deal with me when I am like that? I even feel bad for writing this and bothering you with my depression. It's that I don't even dare to post anything like that on my journal, anymore. There were too many depressive posts already.)

Hi everyone,
Some of you will remember that I was named to the IACC recently. Because of the useful publicity this could provide, my grad. school alma mater emailed me this weekend asking for a quote for their alumni newspaper. One of the questions they asked was "Did you have the opportunity to become involved with the Hunter Regional Center for Autism Spectrum Disorders while studying for your master's? If so, could you elaborate?"

I replied
"I have never felt so unwelcome and misunderstood as when I entered the
Hunter Regional Center for Autism Spectrum Disorders to try to find
contacts for more direct service work in the area. I walked in saying
that I was excited that someone else at Hunter was interested in
autism and that I'd like to talk about job prospects in this field. I
was then introduced to a woman I'd never heard of with the phrase "she
knows almost as much about autism as autistic people (chuckle chuckle
chuckle)". I knew that the unspoken assumption of this statement was
that autistic people's understanding of autism is not as valid as this
person's, despite the literal meaning (and the truth) being that she
was less knowledgeable than we are. I knew that if I identified myself
as an autistic person that she would not give any of my opinions
creedence and would dismiss me as having a contrary goal to hers
(which I do), and, although I can't totally remember whether I
actually said it, I believe this fact was clear to her and, thus, she
did exactly that.
I found this anti-autistic racism offensive and totally contrary to
the cross-cultural philosophy of the psych. program at Hunter and of
higher education in general. When I asked for suggestions of places to
work as a neurotypical-to-autistic translator, as I have for years
with many children, I was told that no such place exists and that
Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) is the only method available. As
someone who has seen the terrible side effects of ABA personally, I
politely thanked them for their time and never returned. It is places
like this that made me want to join the IACC, in order to prevent this
elitist neurotypical-controlled research being funded in the future.
In twenty years, this place will be looked on as one of hundreds that
wasted taxpayers' money and researchers' time on counterproductive
work designed to eliminate autistic people, as opposed to what I
envision for the future, where autistics and neurotypicals will work
together to help autistics live happier and more productive lives.
...
In summary, Hunter's understanding of autism is akin to a 2 year old's
understanding of cars, and it sickens me that I was refused the chance
to help change this while a student there. I am proud to have the
chance on the IACC, and look forward to the day that autistic-led
research outnumbers the elitist neurotypical-led research of many
colleges in this country.

Thanks for the questions, and feel free to get in touch if you have more!
Professor Britton"

Someone on my friendslist said "Autistic brains like ours have a hard time multi-tasking" and I just sat there staring at that with a "WTF?" expression on my face. Because I'm a diagnosed Aspie and I don't have any problem multi-tasking. Sure, sometimes my mind is going so much about so many things that I occasionally appear to have trouble multi-tasking, because when I'm thinking about 12 different things at once, I may not catch something someone said. But I can follow two different conversations at once, and even join in, when I'm not thinking of other stuff. And when I'm on the computer, I'm doing about a dozen related things in my mind at once. So the suggestion that aspies and auties can't multi-task is weird to me.

Thoughts?

I'm asking because Jasika Nicole, who plays Astrid Farnsworth, says that she based her portrayal of Astrid from the alternate universe on her autistic sister, so I was wondering what you guys thought of how she plays alt-Astrid.

To me, alt-Astrid comes off as very intense and kind of awkward. I'm not sure if this is an accurate portrayal of most autistic people or not. I don't know how I come across, and my nephew doesn't come off like that. Both of the other aspies I've met didn't really come off like that either, so I was curious.

The only thing that bothers me really is that alt-Astrid is written as always being able to do lots of math in her head and calculating the exact percent chances of anything happening, like Spock or Data. Which in my experience, nobody does no matter how autistic they are. I mean, some autistic people may be good at math but they don't generally walk around rattling off precise percentages of probability like that.

I was talking to someone about how aggravating "autism awareness month" is, and was riffing on how much better it would be if it were Autistic History Month (in the tradition of Women's History Month and Black History Month.) It would be so fantastic to see spectrumites portrayed as people with a shared history and a shared struggle.

Thanks for all the responses to my post on fluoxetine/anxiety. I'm nearing the end of week 3 and there is no beneficial affect on my anxiety at all, in fact it may actually be worse than normal. I'm going to give it another week but if there is no beneficial response by then I need to discuss options with my doc. Has anyone here had the same experience? (no benefit from anxiety with prozac/fluoxetine) and subsequently found a good solution?

My suspicion is that my underlying problem is more related to dopamine than serotonin as I actually feel a lot better when supplementing tyrosine, theanine and niacinamide (AKA nicotinamide), it's not a certainty but it's a direction I'm interested in exploring. I understand sertraline (Zoloft) has some dopamine reuptake activity, so maybe I should try that next? In fact I looked up the UK clinical guidelines and sertraline is currently the first drug of choice for anxiety disorders - not fluoxetine. So potentially my doc made an error here.

For one thing, I must spend half the day talking to people on the phone which is difficult for me for the following reasons-
My voice is super soft so no one can hear me.
Taking to people on the phone wears me out and drains me.
I hate people.
People on the phone don't DO WHAT I TELL THEM TO DO AND IT'S SO SIMPLE! Plus I feel so tired dealing with these folks that I want to go all inward and just open the mail and look at a picture of a cute animal or spiders or something and not have to talk to these people!

Does anyone else have this problem?

This is my first real post, as I usually just lurk and comment. So, you can call me Vi or Larkie. I don't care which, to be honest.

I've decided that I'll post this here, because I don't get the feeling that too many people in my life, even my parents, understand exactly how this all feels. I'm hoping that maybe you guys can give me some quality tips and feedback, as this situation is driving me nuts.

Like many people, I have anxiety. Usually, I can keep it in check, but for the last two weeks, it's been pretty out of control. I'm in a Math class at my university that allows me two semesters in a calendar year to finish. So, about eight months. The issue is, if I don't pass the final exam with a 70by April 19th, next Thursday, I have to start the class over. Although I can take it as many times as I need to before then, it's driving me up a wall, because I'm not the best with Math, and I have mild panic attacks when I don't pass.

It happened again today, and I'm panicking.

I did read about a study that's been tested with chocolate, which states that it helps memory function in areas like Math, and it's woked with my studying so far. Still, I'm kind of freaked out, and going to take the exam again tomorrow.

Does this happen to anyone else in regards exams or highly stressful moments? And are there any "special" tips I can use to improve my learning process and calm myself down before, during, and after the exam?

I've been asked to participate in an "Autism Walk" this weekend to promote my Asperger group, but in doing some research, I found that, just like the Walk to Cure Diabetes that I stopped participating in for this very reason, it's all for THE CHILDREN. The Society for Children with Autism, to be specific. While the society is not overtly curebie, it is yet another group that ignores the fact that there are plenty of adults on the spectrum, and that we need help too, and also, that those autistic children today will grow up into autistic adults tomorrow. There's also the fact that my group is for adults, not children.

I was told, "Oh, well, the FUNDRAISING part is for children, but the overall event is for EVERYBODY. It's a community festival, so there's no reason why autistic adults can't participate." I was told I SHOULD participate in order to raise awareness of the presence of autistic adults. How about the fact that I don't WANT to participate? I know that Autism Speaks tends to show up at events like this even if the fundraiser isn't specifically for them, and they will most likely be soliciting donations or selling memberships or whatever they do, along with Cure Autism Now and Defeat Autism Now or whatever other curebie organizations are out there. There are also the damn puzzle pieces. I am heartily sick of the puzzle pieces, but the puzzle piece is the symbol of this event.

My boyfriend has asked me to go out of town with him that weekend, so I might do that instead.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/04/health/mental-health/autism-sex-differences/index.html

Reading this article, a question came to me, do autistic spectrum women get beat up by their NT boy friend more often NT girls.
Boys rely on body language more then girls do, and boys are more likely to become physical if some one fails to read their mood.

I've been a reader and semi-lurker for a while. But again posting on behalf of my older son, 21, AS co-morbid with ADHD and a sprinking of other issues.

I have some ADHD traits and my wife has some AS traits, both "sub-clinical" and we grew up in an era where there was only one diagnosis anyway, "retard"... so much for <i>our</i> teen years. But my older son has both AS and ADHD qualities co-morbid. And it's been a challenge to work with and around his set of quirks. The biggest fights are over his participating in household chores or tasks. I KNOW it's his AS <i>and</i> ADHD that locks him up, but it;s still frustrating. He's also about 5-7 years behind in emotional maturity, but legally an adult. So it's hard to work with his providers now that he's a legal adult.

But two linked questions, what gets you motivated, and what gets you "unstuck?" when you have episodes. I know some of you have had success in finding ways past your issues. 

When asked to to anything... literally anything except play videogames, websurf and read, my son generally tends to lock up, or get derailed by anxiety attacks. He's 21 and while I love him to death, I'm also getting to older. I'm 53 now, and imagine myself supporting him till I am feeble, never retiring. His younger brother (17) literally can't wait to go away to college and stop being the "older" brother, doing the lion's share of household chores. 

I know, this is not judgmental, but just an observation, that AS folks are terribly difficult to encourage to to anything they are not  really into, or seriously enthusiastic for. Unfortunately that also includes personal hygiene. *cringe* Summer's coming. He's got a toothache now from a decaying tooth, but that's because he DOES NOT BRUSH.

Pushing him anything beyond gently seems to trigger an anxiety attach, or a lock-up episode. Sometimes just bringing things up seems to shut him down. But that's seriously NOTHING compared to the pressure, expectations and stresses of the outer world. I know that what would suit him fine is to be left alone to spend all his waking hours playing videogames, websurfing and reading, and be indefinitely housed, fed and cared for. And I know that some of you may very well suggest "leave him alone and let him find his own way." Would love to, but that is just not a practical reality.

What's a shame is that he's brilliant, 140 IQ, articulate, friendly, and when the planets align, actually capable. He does not come off as disabled, so he ends up comes across as being willfully contrary. He also has a way of responding to requests with non-acknowledgement or grunts that people not aware of autism or AS will interpret as blowing you off. He admits that sometimes he knows that's the impression he's trying to project, so he'd be left alone and left off the task.

But I know that he actually is disabled by NT standards, that he's wired different. He WANTS to be self-sufficient, but just can't get over the hump, or let us try to help him do it. And Yes, I could do a lots of things for him, but then we'd be running his life like he was 10 years old, and I don't think that's healthy in the long term either. He's also far too bright for most of the standard parenting scams to work... like since he was .. um... eight. And too old to be treated like a child, but he seems unable to approach his issues as an adult either. But even slightly sterner approaches tend to trigger Anxiety Attacks or withdraws, so it feels non-productive to me.

His mother, who has more of the AS traits than me (I contributed the ADHD genes), has less coping skills, and loses patience with him daily. We're considering moving out of the frightfully costly NYC region, and she says unless he is willing to help with the move, she's going to throw him out, because he's just in the way. (Which kind of sounds AS... but I'd be KILLED if I try to point that out to her.... )

So polling the community for opinions, thoughts, suggestions. What gets you moving? Or at least more able to shovel through the necessary things you'd rather not? And I do GET IT... i am dodging working on finishing up my taxes to post this!

Anyway, enough rantage... I look forward to your insights, opinions and experiences.

Hi, I've posted here in the past about anxiety and various supplements I've found that help. Recently I decided that the anxiety was still a big problem that I needed help with and decided to speak with a doctor about options. The first line of treatment for anxiety is fluoxetine (prozac), and so I decided to go ahead with this at 20mg/day.

I've never taken any psychiatric meds before although I have read quite a lot and I generally feel like I've been avoiding them for 20 years. Certainly benzodiazapines don't look like a good long term option because of drug tolerance and the potential to actually make the anxiety worse long term when you come off them. There are some other options I'm looking at, e.g. Buspirone and Pregabalin (note. very expensive) are of great interest to me because of their good tolerance and dependency profiles, but possibly a bit risky in terms of not having the long history of usage that fluoxetine has.

Anyone else here try fluoxetine? Was your experience good/bad? I'm currently at day 13 and although I though there was some benefit earlier this week, the last two days have been worse than normal so I'm just having to get by for now to see if I get any benefits by week 4 (the recommended time to wait for a positive effect). I did have trouble sleeping initially, and this has now improved a lot over the last 3 nights.

find particularly had to read faces stressful to the point of being a little afraid?

You may remember, that I mentioned our roof being reconstructed and my room moved out for a while because of this. I have lost my own space to recharge alone and it seems it gets to me. Last week I couldn't get rid of depression and hopelessness about the situation. Now, when the works are almost finished, this irrational anxiety is killing me.

Because of the works, my car was parked at the building where I work. I have been using public transport for more than a week, now. The last day on my way to work, the car started to boil and I had to stop. I called my colleagues, who helped me - they pulled the car to the work and repaired the broken thermostat. Anyway, it happened about ten days ago. Today, I am supposed to take my car home again and drive it for the first time since it happened. I know, I am being irrational, but I am so scared to drive home today. My mind still repeats the situation and wonders what if this is going to happen again. I should trust my colleagues with the repair. They surely knew what they were doing. Still, it's hard to convince myself and calm down. I feel sick and managed to get awful headache, because of this anxiety. I am not sure what to do about it. I have to drive my car someday, so it is no solution to leave it here for another day or two.

Perhaps, the main problem was the reconstruction of the roof. My routine, my room, my property, my privacy - I lost it all, temporarily. Therefore, I may be more emotional about everything. Because yes, everything today drives me crazy - the stupid client or the accusing colleague, etc. I can't concentrate on my work anymore - it seems to be without structure and sense and I have not very much time for it.

I have to get over this situation somehow. I have to survive today and perhaps tomorrow will be better.

How do you deal with anxiety?

When I:-> I also:	See	Hear	Taste	Smell	Touch
See
Hear
Taste
Smell
Touch

Directions: By the blocks above, comment on your reaction as A, always, N, none, L low and H high. This is for the first 5 senses we usually think about but you could add graphemes, (numbers and letters) or proprioception etc.

Mine:
A,L,L,L,H
N,A,H,N,H
N,N,A,H,N
N,N,N,A,N
H,H,N,L,A

If you score an H in a certain "rook" pattern here, you might have that form of synaesthesia. Touch for me seems to easily go in and out of the other senses for me so there are lots of H's here.

But to begin, start at the top. So for the first cell, you can read that as "When I see, I also see" and for me, that's always A (unless I'm blind and then I put N perhaps). For the second one across, "When I hear, I also see" is sometimes true so I put "L" for low. This is true for other senses, I can see what I sense but the last one on the first row says "When I touch, I also see" and that is H, high for me so I put the H down there. ...and so on.

Sometimes, a very particular aspect of a symbol in one sense gets put into other aspects of that same sense. So for example, an L shape might always be green, both visual. Add some columns for some of these if needed and comment on how that works. You could add a column and row for both shape and color then. If you hear a bell, you might see a color and maybe smell a rose or even another echo of say water...and so on, just comment whatever exceptions you have, this isn't comprehensive nor claims to be, just a starter so if you have meta comments, please save them for after you give it a go. If not possible, please contact me directly.

See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synaesthesia#Definitional_criteria for more basic info.

"What are five things that could be done to make the world a more comfortable, respectful, and nurturing place for millions of autistic kids and adults - now, starting today?"

Journalist Steve Silberman posed this question to 14 of the most insightful and articulate neurodiversity advocates - and for some reason, he asked ME, too.

Here is the resulting piece, published this morning in Silberman's NeuroTribes blog in honor of Autism Acceptance Day:

http://blogs.plos.org/neurotribes/2012/04/02/autism-awareness-is-not-enough-heres-how-to-change-the-world/

Okay so it's still march 31st here. (it will be april 1st in like 32 minutes though.) How many of you guys don't like or don't care about april fools day?

I don't like it because i could never understand any of the Jokes. If i had forgotten about the date i would spazz out, and everyone would laugh, until i punched them because i thought they were being serious, and then they would get angry at me because i punched them and a few mniutes would be ruined until they went off to find someone else.

Today when i remembered what day it was i was like 'Oh fuck better not go on neo tomorrow.' Every year they play Jokes ranging from 'HOLY SHIT I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE SERIOUS THAT SCARED ME!' to 'You guys are silly and that was silly.' I am often seen as being too serious as too serious on this day, by everyone. I can guarantee you that this kid who is the closest thing i have to a friend at my church outside of my mom will do something, and then repeat the above pattern without the punching because it's church.